Pretty Little Liars: Winter Finale

They are trying to MILK this episode for time! The first 5 minutes are laden with dramatic-pauses.

MELISSA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSS! I was so sad after Torrey Devitto’s divorce so I am glad she’s making her own money/career!

Allison drugged her friends?? Wut? I am SO CONFUSED.

Allison: “What does “nat” stand for anyways? Need a therapist” (smirks self appreciatively)

Oh the humor of a 14 year old. Maybe that bad joke is why someone tried to kill her.

Wait I zoned out 100000%, Spencer is being accused of killing whom? Allison? No seriously, what the fuck is going on?

Wait Allison was buried alive???? She was drugged and buried alive?? BY HER MOM!??!

This goes back to the theory I had last year that Allison’s mom is A!!!!!!!!!!

Allison: “You don’t have to be a loser, Mona”–Man Alli is full of sage advice!

What did Melissa just whisper sensually to her dad??

I’m honestly confused. Ezra is offended that Alli lied about her age but then he knowingly sleeps with Aria who was the SAME FRIGGIN AGE AS ALLI and he’s cool with it? Is this some weird, Fitzgeraldian existential crisis he’s having?

I feel like this show would not exist if, from the start, someone thought to dial 9-1-1 on their phone and not bribed the cops with sex? Like if someone called the police and just stepped back and let them handle this, NONE OF THIS SHOW WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. The reason the police exist is the deter crime, no? But in Rosewood we have this little town where no one calls the police so there is no deterrence, thus, crime.

It’s like Rosewood is the Hellmouth but without the awesome fight scenes and Spike (the best part of the Hellmouth).

Guys. Allison just used the word “reprieve”. I don’t even know how to spell it (thank you auto-correct) and I went to law school, yet a high school drop out knows how to use it? Ugh, what am I doing with my life?!?!?!!??!!!

DOES HANNAH EVEN KNOW how to use a gun? That girl can barely string together a coherent sentence let alone safely discharge a firearm.

THIS SHOW IS SO EXHAUSTING! I don’t care who A is anymore! I just hope that A succeeds at torturing these girls the way they have been torturing me!

I can’t even muster the energy I just hope they all die and I hope it’s Melissa and wren or Melissa and Ian or Melissa and SOME GUY, hell, maybe a guy that Spencer HASN’T tried to have sex with.

Moral of the story, I just want Melissa to be happy.

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